Fucking bad day

Yup the title says it all. I'm feeling all so depressed now I don't know why and this feeling won't go away for hours :( ok the main bulk of this depressed-ness is cause of the assignment+project grades I've gotten back today. Seems like the school is pretty good at demoralising people before the finals. JS project was below expectations but I felt pretty ok cause I feel like we've tried our best and all. It's not our fault that the tutor doesn't like it anyway. But still oh well, 40% kinda badly done already. And then moving on to NM assignment 3. It was so.bad. It's like fuck? How can I ever score so badly for a freaking IMD assignment, it's easy yes, oh maybe that's why. But honestly, u.p.s.e.t. I can say goodbye to my NM grades already :(

xx

Honestly, I always feel that what's the point of me studying so hard when I know I'm never gonna be as good as some people are. Hard work will NEVER translate to results, yes in my case, it's forever like that. I work fucking hard all the time but in the end I gained nothing in return. It just makes me wanna give up so many times. Sigh, life is so unfair.

xx

Got hold of a news yesterday and it strucked.me.hard. Well, I acted like nothing happened because I don't wanna be selfish. I know it's such a good opportunity that even I feel that you should grab hold of. But tears will form in my eyes whenever I think of the possiblity of you leaving :( I know you will tell me that everything is possible as long as we try but tell you what: I don't want to try at all. Because I know it will not work out. So why waste each other's time? This is mega depressing and it sucks that I have to know this at the start of finals. I'm choosing to keep everything to myself because I don't want to affect your decision. We'll see where fate brings us to.

xoxo